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Pete Lewis
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14 hours ago, Anglefire said:

STAY AWAY FROM TEIGNMOUTH SEAFRONT 
Witnessed totally disgusting behavior on the beach at Teignmouth seafront yesterday. A man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids then she smacked him once on the head and it all kicked off between them, the police turned up and the policeman ended up using his baton on the bloke but the man actually managed to get the baton off the copper and started hitting the copper and the woman with it. 
Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages as the man shouted 'Thats the way to do it'!..........
🤣🤣🤣🤣

Back in 2019 down at Swanage beach I watched an epic production of Punch & Judy. It lasted all of 30 minutes.

It was very adult in a covert way and brought back such wonderful memories that I didn't know I had.

When the lady came round with the collection cap I popped in £20 to join the 10 and 20P's. 

There are so few beach Punch & Judy shows they must be preserved and protected.

Pub TRivia alert - The operator of a P&J booth can award himself the title of Professor with no Universities involved.

It is the only trade that can do so.

 

Roger  

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A well-known Politician was away from home for his party's Annual Conference and decided to play away with his secretary. In order to keep things hidden from the other colleagues and staff it was agreed that they would use code.

The Secretary would call at his hotel room door late at night and would knock discreetly, informing him: "There's a vacancy in the constituency if any member wishes to fill it?" He would then know who it was and let her in with the reply: "This member is standing for the vacancy."

All went well for the first two nights but then, on the third night, with the politician in a fine state of anticipation, she never appeared. He waited, and waited, and waited, and eventually got so worked up that he did it himself. Ten minutes later came the expected knock at the door.

"There's a vacancy in the constituency if any member wishes to fill it?"

In very bad form, the politician replied: "I have to inform you that this member has already stood as an independent and lost his deposit...."

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I was eating an ice-cream in town yesterday when I noticed a lad with a bright green mohican and Sex Pistols tattoos about to go into the bookies. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, so I shouted at him to stop. When he looked round, I pointed my Magnum at him and said, "You've got to ask yourself one question... Do you feel lucky, punk?"

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A young lady is working the till at Tescos when she spots a man coming towards her with a basket of groceries.

On the conveyor he sets a small carton of milk, a small packet of biscuits, a small tin of beans, one apple, a small loaf of bread and one packet of crisps.

The girl looks at the goods, looks at the man and says: "I"ll bet you live alone."

"How did you know that?" he asks.

She smiles.

"Because you're f***** ugly."

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A young man decides he wants to marry a girl so goes to her father to ask his permission.

"I'll not say no," says the father, "but I should tell you she's got acute angina."

"I know," says the youth, and her t*** are great too."

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29 minutes ago, Colin Lindsay said:

A young man decides he wants to marry a girl so goes to her father to ask his permission.

"I'll not say no," says the father, "but I should tell you she's got acute angina."

"I know," says the youth, and her t*** are great too."

We've had that one before, but don't worry most of the others have severe memory loss so won't remember 😁

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