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Useless Advice Labels


Unkel Kunkel
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I admit it.

I am one of those sad people who feel the compelling need to read labels and instructions on everything - in their entirety.Paint tins ,tools, medicines ,cereal packets,hotel room notes and even the vitamin contents of Marmite.

However, I feel that these are becoming more in the nature of a manufacturers disclaimer than anything that is intended to be in anyway remotely helpful to the user.

 

The standard pharmacist's computer- generated labelling for certain medications includes "if affected do not drive or operate machinery "- even for a toddler. A pvc ring pessary of eye watering dimensions comes with the advice 'do not swallow"

Washing soda ( sodium carbonate decahydrate)

- killing moss ,clearing drains ,a rust removing electrolyte.- you know all the sorts of things your gran would know.

The labelling is here is the usual finger wagging warning about skin and eye protection - and to resist any temptation to eat it .Predictably, there follows the need to seek urgent medical advice if ..and if and if ... etc.- ( given its pH of 11, I suppose this is reasonable for eyes , can't argue with that )

 

However,at the bottom of the packets it proclaims:

 

"Suitable for Vegans"!

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we bought a toilet brush and porcelain holder from BHS 

the label on the base said 'not suitable for storing food'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

the worlds gone mad .common sense has degraded to a all time low and cover you bum has overtaken  any normality

with  daft screens controlling life skills and denuding experience  we're  DOOMED.

 

Pete

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I can give a couple to add to the list.

On the tea and coffee machine on a ferry a while ago I spottedxthe warning that the water was hot!

 

Somewhere else,I gofget where (old age) the taps in the bathroom warned that the hot tap contained hot water.

 

Beware out there breathing can be dangerous

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My brother's just moved house. Their downstairs toilet has the taps the wrong way round, red, hot tap on the right, blue cold tap on the left. And yet, I still put my hand under the hot tap expecting cold! A sign would be a good idea!

 

As to instructions, I'm a MAN. I don't read instructions! or maps, or directions.

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It's not so much a case that the world's gone mad or that people don't have common sense any more, just the fact that we've caught the US 'blame culture'.  You can't just have an accident any more, someone MUST be to blame.  As a result manufacturers now plaster warnings all over everything to cover themselves from people who miss-use products and are stupid and greedy.

 

Let's face it, we live in a world where you can successfully sue McDonalds for serving you a cup of coffee and not telling you the hot drink you've ordered could be hot.

 

 

If you ever get to visit the London Olympic park and visit the toilets check out the signs above both the urinals and the toilet bowls telling you that "Not drinking water"...

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Sadly, these days, brushes are one-use disposable. My Dad is spinning in his urn!

 

Urine was once a valuable commodity in Victorian times, used in the curing of leather. Every house had a bucket in the yard and kept an eye out for low lifes. " Oye! Are you taking the piss?!!"

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Im hoping for it returning next week ....the whole experience is in a time capsule.. a .big one

 

needs a label on the dash which says when reporting an accident dont expect anything to happen unless you 

chase after some service and dont expect any communication.  

 

 

pete

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Whatever topic is raised in the lounge bar, very rapidly the discussion steers towards toilets, bottoms and things like flatus.

Speaking as someone with an immature, adolescent sense if humour,I enjoy this.

 

It is a tradition that must be celebrated, cherished and maintained.

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there  must be a label for it  somewhere

 

pregnancy3-03-13.jpg

 

i found this but its related to the greasing trunions  problems ....not much use realy

 

we had a topic on the old forum which related everything to red leather and even started a red leather gang  ( the dreaded  RLG)

it was never rude , well not realy but developed some great daft banter , i did try to revive it but most had drifted away 

 

maybe someone need to start another banter club section 

Pete 

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Where on earth did you find that,Pete?

 

More Advice quotes:

on planting roses

Apparently, Eleanor Roosevelt was very flattered to have a rose named after her but was not amused to read the instructions that appeared in the catalogue:

"Eleanor Roosevelt - not much good in a bed but alright against a wall"

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